Returning to Ourselves: Reconnecting with Yourself Through Inner Growth

By Nicole Yan

On the west side of Lake Shore Drive, just a mile or two down toward Hyde Park in Chicago, there is a standalone sign with the painted words “You are beautiful.” Every time I drive home and pass by it, I feel a small smile and a sense of warmth arise naturally. How nice would it be if we all said to ourselves, “You are beautiful,” each day?

Speaking of beauty, it reminds me of the carefree smiling faces of young children. Children are natural experts at finding joy in simple things and living in the present moment. They can spend hours playing in the playground and never be bored walking around the same place or playing with the same equipment again and again. There is a natural beauty in the way they experience and express the world around them.

Most parents do the best they can to love and care for their children. A few years ago, a friend of mine had a baby. When I visited them, I was surprised by how attentive my friend was to the baby’s needs. She would try everything — changing her posture while holding the baby, sitting on the couch or on the yoga ball, swaying back and forth to make sure the baby was comfortable in her arms. Before the baby was born, my friend was a very impatient, efficiency-driven person. Seeing her care for the baby with such gentleness and patience around the clock moved me. She told me that she had heard from child experts that you can never spoil a baby enough.

The birth of a baby can bring forth deep tenderness, patience, and unconditional love — qualities that exist inherently in all human beings. When children receive this kind of love and care, they are naturally connected with themselves and are open and curious about the world around them.

Rediscovering Our Connection to Ourselves

As we grow older, our relationship with ourselves becomes increasingly shaped by our upbringing, environment, and life experiences beyond our control.

At a young age, we all have a natural longing to be loved and approved by our parents, caregivers, or teachers at school. We try to please them and please our world. Sometimes we get angry with them, or cry or yell at them for not getting what we want. We form various coping mechanisms and patterns that become more prominent from adolescence into adulthood. We start to develop a kind of emotional isolation from our world and lose connection with ourselves. We hide behind timid smiles or aloofness, or simply withdraw from the world based on our likes and dislikes.

Then we begin this journey of seeking purpose and reward through endless goals and milestones. Sometimes we think if I do well in school and get into college, I will be happy. Sometimes we think if I find a job, I will be happy. Sometimes we think if I make a certain amount of money, I will be happy. Sometimes we think if I find a partner and get married, I will be happy.

Some people in unhappy marriages think if I get divorced and become free again, I will be happy. Even after reaching these milestones, we may still not find happiness and feel disconnected from ourselves.

There is a constant searching for happiness based on external things and perceptions of how things should be, rather than how things truly are.

Turning Inward Through Inner Work

I was talking with someone who had been through a lengthy and stressful process of career decision-making. She talked to her parents regularly about her concerns, but the conversations became difficult at times as her parents had expectations that did not match the reality of her field and strengths. She sometimes felt frustrated by her parents’ controlling tendencies and lack of understanding, but she kept the conversation going.

During these difficult times, she also learned to turn inward, establishing a routine of working, studying, writing in a journal every day, and doing meditation, yoga, dancing, and other exercises. Finally, the outcome was satisfactory, and she felt grateful that all her efforts had paid off. She learned to listen more attentively and understand her parents’ concerns. The process ultimately brought her closer to her parents and deepened her appreciation for life.

I admire this person, and I think she will continue building a meaningful and balanced life, both developing a successful career and forming nurturing relationships with those around her. What is most important in the process is that she is deeply invested in working on herself, listening to her inner voice, and letting it guide her. At the same time, she also keeps her heart open to conversations with her parents and peers, and to trying new things.

Inner work helps us stay connected to who we are, and that connection naturally brings more harmony and appreciation to our relationships and daily life.

Healing Through Reflection and Compassion

Over a decade ago, I was for some time constantly caught in depression, anxiety, and conflicts with people in my life. Sometimes I found myself overwhelmed with sadness or anger for days, and unable to find meaning in life. A series of life events led me to explore spiritual practices to find peace and purpose. I joined various spiritual study groups and book clubs, practiced kundalini daily, and attended meditation retreats. I began to realize how much my suffering was shaped by my perceptions, expectations, and recurring thought patterns.

I kept a journal with me and wrote several times a day to check my feelings and reactions, and intentionally did things each day that would be helpful to others. I learned the importance of finding happiness by offering kindness and care to others. Every time I became upset with someone, instead of letting my emotions explode, I came back to my journal and wrote down reflections or positive words to myself. The negative emotions slowly faded away.

After some time, I was no longer in conflict with others, and to this day I still continue doing things that nurture my heart. I guess this is an example of reconnecting with ourselves through inner work, which is a lifelong journey.

Learning Through Conflict

Over time, I also began to notice something about conflict. When we have conflict with others, we often forget that it takes two to make a fight. It can help to pause and reflect on how our own reactions may have contributed to it. How can we bring more understanding to what happened and try to de-escalate the conflict?

Conflict often softens when we become more curious about our own reactions rather than focusing entirely on the other person’s behavior. It is a journey of reconnecting with oneself and returning to the intelligence, gentleness, and openness of our hearts.

Returning to Appreciation

When we feel connected with ourselves, a sense of appreciation naturally arises. We can remember the childlike qualities that are always inherent within us.

I’ve learned to appreciate the ordinary things in life, such as sunshine, rain, leaves on the trees, and a simple cup of tea. Sometimes I go for a walk and pass by the playground near my building. I’ll sit on the swings for a little while or go down the slides a few times. Simple things are fun.

Each day I look in the mirror and appreciate what I see. I smile at myself and feel that everything is in the right place and that I belong here.

It feels good to tell myself, “You are beautiful in a simple way.”